The first Alice in cinema

how exciting it is to watch it =)

now it's gone

A falling star fell from your heart and landed in my eyes
I screamed aloud, as it tore through them, and now it's left me blind

The stars, the moon, they have all been blown out
You left me in the dark
No dawn, no day, I'm always in this twilight
In the shadow of your heart

And in the dark, I can hear your heartbeat
I tried to find the sound
But then it stopped, and I was in the darkness,
So darkness I became

The stars, the moon, they have all been blown out
You left me in the dark
No dawn, no day, I'm always in this twilight
In the shadow of your heart

I took the stars from our eyes, and then I made a map
And knew that somehow I could find my way back
Then I heard your heart beating, you were in the darkness too
So I stayed in the darkness with you

The stars, the moon, they have all been blown out
You left me in the dark
No dawn, no day, I'm always in this twilight
In the shadow of your heart

The stars, the moon, they have all been blown out
You left me in the dark
No dawn, no day, I'm always in this twilight
In the shadow of your heart

spring feeling

what i'm hearing right now:

The looking glass so shiny and new
How quickly the glamor fades
I start spinning slipping out of time
Was that the wrong pill to take
(Raise it up)
You made a deal and now it seems you have to offer up

Here I am a rabbit hearted girl
Frozen in the headlights
It seems I´ve made the final sacrifice

We raise it up

This is a gift it comes with a price
Who is the lamb and who is the knife
Midas is king and he holds me so tight
And turns me to gold in the sunlight

I look around but I can´t find you
(raise it up)
If only I could see your face
(raise it up)
Instead of rushing towards the skyline
(raise it up)
I wish that I could just be brave

I must become a lion hearted girl
Ready for a fight
Before I make the final sacrifice

We raise it up

This is a gift it comes with a price
Who is the lamb and who is the knife
Midas is king and he holds me so tight
And turns me to gold in the sunlight

Raise it up raise it up

And in the spring I shed my skin
And it blows away with the changing wind
The waters turn from blue to red
As towards the sky I offer it

This is a gift it comes with a price
Who is the lamb and who is the knife
Midas is king and he holds me so tight
And turns me to gold in the sunlight

update: not that raw

feeling a lot better today! the raw diet is not going as planned because I haven't been eating at home. Plus, I am too skinny to undergo any detox, I don't want to loose any more weight!
Did a super smoothie yesterday, from David Wolfe's video on smoothies - you can find it on youtube: ingredients berries, nuts, cacau, honey, young coconut water etc.) and it felt great! it was delicious! I did feel hungry after a while... so no, it's not the magic recipe to loose weight and never feel hungry again - it was maybe more like a light meal, but very nutritious.

I had a great sunday and even had wine in the evening! No detox today, because I had a lot of treats. It felt great so I am not worried about it!

Also wanted to write something with greater depth but I a friend came by and I kind of forgot what I wanted to write, so here is some nice music to listen to with some wine on the side!

going raw?

I have been sick for the past week, and not just with a tonsil ache like usually, where one set of antibiotics immeaditely treats my infection. This time I have been feeling very low, because I got a really complicated infection at first and then got the wrong medication for me and I got an allergic reaction to an antibiotic called Tavanic.
It started with a rash on my face and it was kind of scary. Besides the infection I had a little trouble breathing and did not know if that were the sideeffects from antibiotics or if it was just me getting sicker and not cured.
The infection might not be cured just yet, I'll have to wait and see... but I am feeling very weak still.
This whole situation kind of put me into a sort of "health alarm" mode and I searched online for any other cheap methods I could use to help treat my infection. I couldn't find much other than natural herbs and stuff like that and I ended buying some at my pharmacy. I wanted to feel better so bad that I now have the crazy idea of doing a Detox.

Now, a detox can either do you really good, or it can even make you feel worse. Most of the people that do a detox suffer from detox symptoms like headaches, nausea, weakness, lack of libido and so on...

I wish I knew more about this sort of stuff because although I want to do a detox in order to strengthen my immune system it might turn to be exactly the wrong thing to do on a body that is already weak because of the infection.

I have a doctors appointment in two weeks from now, but I thought since I'm having Easter break before the appointment that I should try a mild and light form of a detox in order to see what happens.
Since I'm on a break, I won't have to worry about not feeling strong to go out, or having to work much. I will be able to sleep a lot and pay attention to what I'm eating. Plus if I feel terribly sick, I'll just go to the hospital and won't have to skip class.

call me crazy, but I'm desperate.
I think I might even buy one book of a Raw Food Guru called David Wolfe.
that is what my detox will be all about: eating raw.

raw for me means eating fruits and nuts. I am not a big fan of the raw/steamed vegies, but I can eat cucumbers, avocados, carrots, radishes and tomatoes..
my main goal is to stay out completely of milk, meat, fish, cheese, eggs.
This is the easy part for me.
I still have to figure out if I will survive without bread...
I found a cheap brand that sells gluten free pasta, maybe I'll indulge on that.. not sure yet.

this is about detoxing the body from toxines we have in our body, but for me it is also searching for a source for the entire strain and disease I am suffering from right now. Maybe I'll find that my skin clears during the detox. Or maybe it will breakout. Maybe I'll be so hungry that I'll have to eat cookies. Or maybe i'll be to sick to continue or even start it...

we will see...
before I end this post I just want to enter here some quotations from D. Wolfe, which I enjoyed reading. (In general I think he is a lunatic, but this piece I liked)

"Q: How important is diet to health?

A: Very, very important--the most important element of health is diet. Food isn't everything, but it is the foundation upon which everything else is built. Everything that you are right now was once the food that went into your mouth. Other important factors in health are positive thoughts & associations, sunshine on the skin, empowering relationships, exercise in Nature, clean air, unpolluted water, etc.
(...)
A: Over a year's average, my diet consists roughly of 80% fruit, 5% nuts/seeds, 15% vegetables. Occasionally I'll eat alfalfa clover, or dandelion sprouts, but very rarely.
I don't really think about what category to eat; I don't think it really matters, just trust your common sense and instinct."

Before diving in into any crazy detoxes I'll think about it a little more and see how I feel first anyway, but these are my current plans I guess.
Even if I don't manage to do a detox I will definitely try to incorporate more nuts into my diet and definitely try to incorporate more organic food as well.
have a great day!

searching for a book from Siri Hustvedt

I am finally going to buy one of her books. Just don't know which one yet!
Any suggestions?


here a little interview with her on 9/11

change na na na na

I love change!
I need change!
Maybe ain't nothing gonna change...
we'll see...



comin up: new furniture, new kitchen, new new new
whoop CHANGE!

Reconciliatio et paenitentia

was wirds diesmal sein, die Erlösung? die Verdammung?

entra na minha vida, que eu saio de outra

às vezes as pessoas entram na nossa vida, como por magia. aparecem e encantam-nos. e tão depressa como entraram elas desaparecem.
as que não esquecemos são as que importam, são as que marcaram, as poucas que o fizeram, fizeram-no profundamente.
marcas na vida. nas memórias, nas saudades.
que lindo o cliché.
a injustiça que nunca ninguém conta é o outro lado... das pessoas a quem nós significamos tanto, mas que para nós elas não significam nada.

nós apaixonamos-nos. raramente. a pessoa que amámos desaparece e fica a marca.
esquecemos que se calhar somos objecto amado de alguém, e também lhes desaparecemos à procura de outra pessoa.
isso não incomoda...
Pior é constatar que para a pessoa que amámos, nada significámos...

bursting into tears on a good day

the strangest feeling. something unexpected and soooo good happens and you burst into tears on a wonderful day.

either you're so relieved you let all the tension out in this very dramatic manner, tension that accumulated over the week and that is now coming out of you body in form of salty water;

or you are not having that of a good day, so it is just your repressed way of expressing how you really feel;

or you actually suffer from a hormonal dysfunction and while this might have felt like tears of joy and tears of hapinness, this was just a regular burst of emotion, which, comparing to those other ones you get regularly, isn't much different.

whatever the reason might be you will actually feel happy even with yucky sticky stuff running down your face and you might even go to bed with a smile.

the butchers wife

the girl knew a butcher in town. she pleased him of course. but she had always dreamt of marrying a sailor. of course there were no sailors where she lived, because there was no sea near her town. still she insisted on wanting a sailor for herself. she wanted the best and only the best for her future.
the closest she ever came to meeting a sailor was meeting a fisherman. she forgot immediately about the butcher and chased the fisherman for a long time to ask him all about the sea. in a small town like hers she did not know any other person who had sailed a boat in the ocean. the fisherman was so enchanting in comparison to the butcher...
but we know how the story ends. or else "the butchers wife" wouldn't be up there in the title, right?